Dining etiquette has changed little since the Victorian’s re-invented table manners, however modern dinning etiquette brings a mix of relaxed practices that often confuse the most socially responsible dinner guest. To help sift through dining protocol, Etiquette authority Diane Gottsman of the The Protocol School of Texas is here to answer her most frequently asked dining questions just in time for your spring celebrations.
Diane Gottsman’s Dining Tips for a Mannerly Meal
1. How can I tell which is my bread plate?
Your bread plate will always be placed to the left of your place setting and your drinks will be placed to your right side. The bread plate and water glass are positioned above the entrée or salad plate.
2. If I’m invited out to lunch, how will I know what I can order?
A well groomed host will guide you by giving you suggestions which will allow you to make a decision based on the price point of his or her suggestions. If this does not happen, you may ask your host for their “suggestions” or order middle of the road. Ordering too little makes you look nervous and ordering too much makes you look ravenous.
3. Must I eat everything that is offered?
It is a lovely gesture to at least sample a bit of everything on your plate. The exception would be a case where you were allergic and eating the food would harm your health. If you absolutely cannot attempt to try a food item, eat around it and make dazzling conversation so no one will notice that you have left a pile of peas on the plate.
4. What if I am unsure of what utensils to use with each dish?
The rule of thumb is to always eat from the “outside in”. (and pray that the host set the table properly) You may also watch your host and follow their lead.
5. As a guest, should I make the first toast?
The first toast is made by the host to welcome the guests at the table. At dessert, another toast may be made by the host to honor any guests of honor. If no toast is made, feel free to make a toast to honor the host and thank her for the wonderful dinner.
6. Is there a proper way to make a toast?
I follow the three S rule – Stand up, speak up and sit down. The toast should be brief, heartfelt and appropriate to the occasion.
7. Which direction should I pass food around the table?
Food is passed around the table counterclockwise, to the right.
8. Is it rude to pass both the salt and pepper if someone only asks for the salt?
On the contrary, it is correct to pass both the salt and pepper together, even if only one is requested. Salt and pepper are married and enjoy travelling together around the dinner table.
9. Is it rude to ask for ketchup or other condiments if they are not offered?
Absolutely. It is terribly rude to ask your host for ketchup when she has just served you a beautiful Easter meal and you take the first bite and immediately try to mask the flavor. It is also rude to salt and pepper your food before you have taken a bite.
10. Where should I place my napkin if I must leave the table?
When leaving the table temporarily, your napkin is placed on the seat of your chair and your chair is pushed back under the table. At the end of the meal, place your napkin on the table, to the right of your empty plate or in the center of your recently removed dessert plate.
11. How do I mask a cough or sneeze at the table?
It’s difficult to mask an obvious “Achoo” but the mannerly way to handle it is to sneeze or cough in your own left should with your left hand covering your mouth. If it’s going to be a particularly aggressive series of coughs or sneezes, leave the table briefly until you can gather your composure. Your fellow diners will appreciate your efforts.
12. Should I offer to help my host clean up after the meal?
It would be a nice gesture to extend the offer but don’t expect the host to accept. A good host will not attend to the dirty dishes or gravy stains on the table cloth until after her guests have departed.
13. If my host is my mother or mother in law, is a thank you note necessary.
There is no better way to show appreciation to someone you love than to send them a beautiful card expressing how much their time and effort meant to you. Even if you are not that close to your mother in law, it never hurts to be nice. And the added value is that your children are watching and you are setting the example for future generations.
A few extra dining tips:
- The fork and the spoon set above your dinner plate are for dessert and coffee;
- To signal you do not want coffee, place your hand above the coffee cup when the host or server comes by with a carafe – do not flip the cup over onto the saucer;
- Please don’t snap your fingers or whistle to get either a server or your mother’s attention;
- Don’t ask your host if you can take home the left overs or the bones for your dog;
- Taking home the opened wine bottle that you did not drink during the meal is inappropriate.
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